Director’s Statement

WHAT FOLLOWS IS A TRADITIONAL PROPOSAL. BEFORE TAKING A LOOK, I FELT IT IMPORTANT TO UNDERSTAND THE CONTEXT OF OUR FILM.

I AM A SURVIVOR OF BEING SEXUALLY ASSAULTED AS A CHILD BETWEEN THE AGES OF 3 AND 13 BY MY BIOLOGICAL FATHER, A PROMINENT LOS ANGELES ATTORNEY. I NEVER PROSECUTED HIM, AND HE IS NOW DEAD. DURING THE MAKING OF VANESSA ROTH’S AND MY FILM CLOSE TO HOME, I WAS NOT PUBLIC ABOUT MY OWN STORY. MY FATHER WAS STILL ALIVE, AND MY BROTHERS BEGGED ME NOT TO TALK ABOUT IT. AND TRUTHFULLY, I WAS SELF-CONSCIOUS AND CARRIED FEELINGS OF SHAME ASSOCIATED WITH HAVING MY VOICE HEARD AFTER YEARS OF BEING TREATED LIKE AN OBJECT WITHOUT AGENCY. I NOW BEAR WITNESS TO THE PROFOUND GENERATIONAL IMPACT MY ABUSE HAS ALSO HAD ON MY FAMILY. FROM MY MOTHER AND SIBLINGS TO MY HUSBAND AND CHILDREN, THE EFFECTS ARE PALPABLE. AFTER THREE DECADES OF THERAPY, I STILL CONTEND WITH THE IMPACT OF ABUSE WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY LEADING A HAPPY AND FULFILLING LIFE. I HAVE PHYSICAL MANIFESTATIONS OF MY EARLY TRAUMA (AUTO-IMMUNE DISEASE FOR ONE) AND OFTEN WONDER IF THE STEPS I TAKE TO LIVE A VIBRANT LIFE WILL PREVENT ME FROM GETTING A CATASTROPHIC ILLNESS.


AS THE YEARS PASSED SINCE WE MADE CLOSE TO HOME, I WAS LUCKY TO HAVE ESTABLISHED CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS WITH MANY OF OUR ORIGINAL CAST MEMBERS. OUR SHARED TRAUMAS HAVE LED TO DEEP AND MEANINGFUL CONNECTIONS BASED ON TRUST AND THIS UNIQUE LANGUAGE WE (AND MILLIONS OF OTHERS) UNDERSTAND. AT TIMES, BEING A SURVIVOR OF CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ASSAULT FEELS LIKE AN ENDLESS SISYPHEAN TASK, WHILE OTHER TIMES THE JOY AND COMMUNITY WE HAVE BUILT IS THE PERFECT LIFE VEST FOR WHEN WE ARE DROWNING. I BEGAN TO THINK THAT BUILDING A WORLDWIDE LIFE VEST FOR SURVIVORS – A GIANT VERSION OF OUR LITTLE GANG – THROUGH THE POWER OF FILM WAS A WAY TO HELP THE SUFFERING OF SO MANY AND TO OPEN THE DOOR ON FAR TOO OFTEN SHAMEFULLY HIDDEN PROBLEMS. I HAVE FOUND THROUGH MAKING THIS FILM THAT EACH OF OUR CAST MEMBERS, DESPITE THEIR CONTINUED STRUGGLES, ARE OPEN, VULNERABLE, HILARIOUS, SMART, VISIONARY AND CREATIVE. THIS MOVIE WILL BE ABOUT LOVE AND THE POWER OF RELATIONSHIPS, RESILIENCE, AND COMMUNITY IN THE FACE OF A SOMETIMES UNBEARABLE BEAST.


WITH THE URGING OF OUR CAST AND VANESSA, WE HAVE DECIDED TO INCLUDE ME AS A NARRATOR OF SORTS IN THIS FILM TO BRIDGE THE TWENTY-YEAR GAP AND TIE THE STORIES TOGETHER. I AM STILL A BIT NERVOUS, BUT THE BRAVERY OF OUR CAST HAS PROPELLED ME FORWARD, INCH BY INCH.

-ALEXANDRA DICKSON GRAY

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“MEDICAL RESEARCH HAS SHOWN THAT CHILDHOOD ADVERSITY LITERALLY GETS UNDER OUR SKIN, CHANGING PEOPLE IN WAYS THAT CAN ENDURE IN THEIR BODIES FOR DEC- ADES.... IT CAN TRIGGER CHRONIC INFLAMMATION AND HORMONAL CHANGES THAT CAN LAST A LIFETIME. IT CAN ALTER THE WAY DNA IS READ AND HOW CELLS REPLICATE, AND IT CAN DRAMATICALLY INCREASE THE RISK FOR HEART DISEASE, STROKE, CANCER, DIABETES—EVEN ALZHEIMER’S.”

- DR. NADINE BURKE HARRIS, M.D., CALIFORNIA SURGEON GENERAL

In 2002, the breakthrough Sundance documentary, Close to Home, captured the heart-wrenching stories of brave survivors of childhood sexual assault.

The young victims’ experiences were told through an intimate, post-disclosure, first-hand account. Their stories were sharply contrasted by chilling first-hand testimonies of convicted sex offenders. The film contrasted different perspectives of a shared trauma rarely seen from such varied viewpoints.

While we have seen great progress around sexual assault awareness since Close to Home, we now must turn our attention to exposing the nuanced and complex impacts of this crime through intimate, personal stories.

NOW, THE ORIGINAL FILMMAKERS
ALEXANDRA DICKSON GRAY AND ACADEMY AWARD WINNER, VANESSA ROTH, ARE REVISITING THE CLOSE TO HOME CAST TWENTY YEARS LATER...
AS ADULTS.

UNTITLED GRAY/ROTH DOC will explore the complex, ongoing impact of childhood sexual assault. Using our 2002 documentary CLOSE TO HOME as a starting point, the film will drop into five of the original characters’ lives, twenty years later. Through intimate interviews, archival footage and cinema verité, we will bear witness to both the challenges and triumphs of these brave survivors and reveal how each one is still battling the lifelong psychological, medical, and generational impact of trauma from their youth.

The victims and their families will open up their current lives, relationships, and inner-most secrets as they continue to expand their understanding of the profound impact this crime has had on their lives. We will follow them exploring new modalities of their therapeutic process; initiating difficult conversations, confronting abusers, participating in groundbreaking neuroscience, or exploring new trauma treatments.

UNTITLED GRAY/ROTH DOC will share an extraordinarily unique perspective on the life-long legacy and generational impact of trauma and recovery.

We must ask the next big question: “Now What?” According to pediatrician and California Surgeon General Dr. Nadine Burke Harris, Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACES) and toxic stress constitute the major public health issue of our time. Current science and research show powerful evidence that our nation is in the grip of a major medical crisis due to rampant childhood trauma and toxic stress. The long-term impact of childhood sexual assault ruins individual lives but also affects their own families for generations. This trauma burdens our societal systems and leaves suicidal, addicted, physically ill members of society living shattered lives - unable to contribute to our collective cultural progress. How do we help those survivors who face complex physical and mental health issues become contributing members of society? How do millions of people living with this trauma learn to lead healthy, joyful, connected lives? How do we stop the tentacles of generational impact?

The impact of childhood trauma is particularly damaging on the developmental trajectory of the brain. Dr. Burke Harris writes that “an overwhelming scientific consensus demonstrates that cumulative adversity, particularly during critical and sensitive developmental periods, is a root cause to some of the most harmful, persistent and expensive health challenges facing our nation.... High levels of adversity... lead to changes in brain structure and function, how genes are read, functioning of the immune and inflammatory systems, and growth and development.”

Intergenerational transmission of trauma is another devastating impact the victims of childhood sexual abuse and their families face. Parents who have unresolved childhood trauma often repress the feelings of pain, sadness, anger, terror and deep distrust connected to their own abuse. This repression can inhibit their ability to express compassion, be responsive, show empathy, or simply care for the basic needs of their own children. Resulting addictions and psychological troubles can put their families at grave risk. Many victims become the “identified patient” and are cast outside the dysfunctional family systems, further traumatizing them and making healing more difficult.

Millions of survivors live with these lifelong medical, emotional, social and mental health issues. Issues that directly impact our health care system, incarceration rates and exploding addiction, depression, anxiety and suicide rates. We must raise the alarm about this public health crisis and effect change on both personal and policy levels. Through the study of following our characters over a significant part of their lives, our film will investigate personal strategies that survivors can use to heal and to hopefully live full, connected lives while also stopping this tragic cycle of abuse.

Meet the Team

  • Alexandra Dickson Gray

    Director, Producer, Writer

    The first film Ali directed and produced was award winning Close to Home. Close to Home premiered at the 2002 Sundance Film Festival and aired on Discovery Health Channel. As a survivor of child sexual abuse, Ali was able to use extreme sensitivity and empathy when working with the subjects in Close to Home. Ali also co-directed and produced The Third Monday In October, a feature documentary that followed the presidential elections of 12- year-old kids vying to lead their middle school student councils in the midst of the 2004 national Presidential election. The Third Monday In October won several major film festival honors, aired on the Sundance Channel and was part of President Obama’s Inaugural Youth Events in DC in 2009 and 2013. In recent years, Ali has directed three films for Marion Wright Edelman’s Children’s Defense Fund, featuring Beat the Odds scholarship recipients. Before becoming a filmmaker, Ali co-founded the Mark McGwire Foundation for Children. Ali spent five years with the foundation, four as the Executive Director where she executive produced and co-wrote their acclaimed Public Service Announcements, «Think Again» and «Help.» Ali served on the National Board of Prevent Child Abuse America and in 2004, joined Respect Group, Inc. as Creative Advisor and Board Member. Ali holds a BA from UCLA where she was a varsity volleyball player. Ali resides in Los Angeles with her husband James and their three young children.

  • Vanessa Roth

    Co-Director, Producer

    Vanessa is an Academy Award, Emmy Honors, Alfred I DuPont-Columbia and Sundance Award Winning non-fiction filmmaker with over 25 years of creating documentary features, series and shorts. Among her dozens of social impact films, she is the Executive Producer, Writer and Director of the Emmy Honors winning international series, Daughters of Destiny (NETFLIX Originals), Oscar winner for her film Freeheld (HBO), Director of the acclaimed Premium Documentary Mary J Blige’s My Life (Amazon Originals), and Executive Producer, Writer and Director of the Women’s Image Award winning series National Geographic Presents IMPACT with Gal Gadot, (National Geographic Originals). Her social justice driven work is released theatrically and broadcast by Netflix, Amazon, Discovery, Disney +, PBS, BBC, ESPN, HBO and has garnered the highest of honors in documentary, film, television and journalism with over 60 awards including the Oscar, The Television Academy Emmy Award for Social Impact, Sundance Prizes, Cine Golden Eagles, Casey Medals, Impact Doc Awards for Best in Show and Outstanding Achievement in Filmmaking, IDA nominations, Audience Awards and Jury Prizes at festivals around the world, as well as top honors for work in social impact, social justice, witness to history, legacy, youth empowerment and women’s rights. Before making films, Vanessa was a Child Advocate in New York and California family and juvenile courts and schools and the Stuart House/Rape Treatment Center. She has a Bachelors’ degree from UCLA, a master’s degree in Social Work and Minor in Family Law from Columbia University. Vanessa is daughter of Academy Award Winning Screenwriter, Eric Roth.

  • Geralyn Dreyfous

    Executive Producer

    Geralyn Dreyfous has a wide, distinguished background in the arts, extensive experience in consulting in the philanthropic sector, and participates on numerous boards and initiatives. She is the Founder of the Utah Film Center, a non-profit that curates free screenings and outreach programs for communities throughout Utah. In 2007, she co founded Impact Partners Film Fund with Dan Cogan, bringing together financiers and filmmakers so that they can create great films that entertain audiences, enrich lives, and ignite social change. In 2013, Geralyn co-founded Gamechanger Films, the first for-profit film fund dedicated exclusively to financing narrative features directed by women. Geralyn’s independent executive producing and producing credits include the Academy Award-winning Born Into Brothels; Emmy-nominated The Day My God Died, Academy Award-nominated and Emmy Award-winning The Square, Academy Award- nominated and Peabody Award-winning The Invisible War, and multiple film festival winners such as Miss Representation, Meet the Patels, Anita, In Football We Trust, The Hunting Ground, Dreamcatcher and Alive Inside. Her works in production include: Wait for Me and Be Natural. Geralyn was honored by the International Documentary Association with the Amicus Award in 2013 for her significant contribution to documentary filmmaking. Variety recognized Geralyn in their 2014 Women’s Impact Report highlighting her work in the entertainment industry.

  • Colin Nash

    Executive Producer

    An executive producer and producer who served most recently as a senior vice president at Fremantle North America and previously at MTV networks. While at MTV he oversaw the acclaimed documentary series, True Life, and breakthrough investigative series, Unlocking the Truth, which helped emancipate a wrongfully convicted, twenty-five year prisoner shortly after the show’s airing. His love of documentary led him to oversee a new development pipeline of documentary projects at MTV including the special, Life Continued: Defeating Depression, which earned Prism, Voice, and Beacon awards for documentary in mental health. He also was executive producer on a backdoor pilot with Zac Efron that eventually led to the Netflix series, Down to Earth with Zac Efron. His wide variety of experience has led him oversee or produce shows like Real World, The Challenge, Punk’d, The Hills, The City, Making the Video, Making the Movie as well as producing, directing or writing for Fox Films marketing and CBS All-Access. He currently lives in Pasadena with his wife, three kids, and new puppy.

  • James Gray

    Executive Producer

    James made his directorial debut in 1994 at the age of 25 with LITTLE ODESSA, a widely acclaimed film which received the Silver Lion at the Venice Film Festival. In 2000, Gray wrote and directed THE YARDS, his second feature and his first with Joaquin Phoenix, who would become a frequent collaborator, going on to star in his next three films: WE OWN THE NIGHT (2007), TWO LOVERS (2008) and THE IMMIGRANT (2013), all of which screened In Competition at the Cannes Film Festival. Gray’s THE LOST CITY OF Z, based on the best- selling novel by David Grann and starring Charlie Hunnam, Sienna Miller, Robert Pattinson and Tom Holland, had its world premiere as the closing night selection of the 2016 New York Film Festival and was released in theaters by Amazon and Bleecker Street. His latest film, Disney/Fox’s AD ASTRA, starring Brad Pitt and Tommy Lee Jones, world premiered In Competition at the Venice Film Festival and was released in theaters in September 2019. Born in New York City, Gray grew up in Queens and attended the University of Southern California School of Cinema-Television. He now lives in Los Angeles with his wife and three children.

  • Joshua Thurston

    Producer

    Joshua Thurston started his career in Independent Film Development at Andrew Lauren Productions before moving into Production for several years (The Art of Getting By, Syrup, The Brass Teapot and VEEP Season 1). Following that, he worked for directors James Gray (on The Immigrant) and Paul Feig (on The Heat, Spy), wherein he helped establish Paul Feig’s company Feigco Entertainment and was promoted to Creative Executive before producing Paul Feig’s TV show Other Space. He went off to independently produce Permission directed by Brian Crano, starring Rebecca Hall, Dan Stevens, Gina Gershon, and Jason Sudeikis as well as Vimeo Staff Pick Meet Cute for Ben Smith/Megan McDonnell starring Juno Temple, Jon Bass, and Sugar Lyn Beard, a pilot called that premiered at the Tribeca TV Festival Shrimp directed Zelda Williams and starring Conor Leslie, Frances Fisher, and Jake Abel and most recently a short form show for CW called Kappa Kappa Die also directed by Zelda Williams and starring Georgie Flores, Britt Robertson and Lukas Gage.

  • Diego López

    Director of Photography

    Diego López is a Los Angeles based filmmaker from El Paso, Texas. He has been living in Los Angeles since 2009 and Studied Filmmaking at New York Film Academy, Santa Monica College and University of California in Northridge. He began his career in the world of Reality Television under the tutelage of award winning cinematographers and quickly climbed the ranks of the camera department. Diego has since been Director of Photography for different network series as well as documentary and scripted films. He has also directed and written projects of his own. In 2021, he was considered for an Emmy nomination for Outstanding Cinematography in the Netflix series “Canine Intervention”. He continues to pursue the art of filmmaking by writing, directing, shooting and even acting in many different projects.

  • Shana Hagan

    Shana Hagan

    Additional Director of Photography

    Shana Hagan, ASC

    For over 25 years, Shana Hagan has shot Oscar and Emmy-winning documentaries with such distinguished filmmakers as Michael Apted, Jessica Yu, Morgan Neville, Lauren Greenfield and Rory Kennedy and scripted television content with Jenny Bicks, Paul Feig and the Duplass Brothers. She is a member of The American Society of Cinematographers, The Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences, The International Cinematographers Guild, The International Documentary Association and The Academy of Television Arts & Sciences.

    Shana's documentary work includes the Academy Award winning BREATHING LESSONS, Academy Award nominated WALK RUN CHA-CHA and 19 Sundance Film Festival selections including GENERATION WEALTH, QUEEN OF VERSAILLES, TAYLOR SWIFT: MISS AMERICANA and SHAKESPEARE BEHIND BARS. Shana shot THE KINGMAKER, profiling the former First Lady of the Philippines Imelda Marcos, which premiered at Venice, then Telluride, then Toronto in the fall of 2019. Shana was nominated for an Emmy for her work on SURVIVOR: CHINA. She shot four seasons on NBC's PARKS AND RECREATION, was the 2nd Unit DP on the first season of the Netflix reboot of ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT and has shot commercial spots for KOHL'S, ARMY, DISNEY, KODAK, VERIZON and others.

    Shana’s current scripted work includes the critically acclaimed series SOMEBODY SOMEWHERE for HBO and Fox’s half hour docu-comedy WELCOME TO FLATCH.

    Her recent documentary work includes two projects with Michael Apted - the US portions of his long-running documentary series 63UP and the third installment of his series MARRIED IN AMERICA. She also recently completed a documentary feature THE CONDUCTOR following Maestra Marin Alsop as she travelled the world working with orchestras in Baltimore, New York, Vienna, Sao Paolo, and London.

    In May 2019 through the US State Department's American Film Showcase, Shana travelled to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, to teach two 4 day Master Class Workshops to young Ethiopian filmmakers. In the fall of 2019, Shana was a mentor at Newport Film's inaugural Documentary Cinematography Lab in Newport, RI. Shana also enjoys mentoring Academy Gold and USC film students and has been on panels and guest lectured at USC, LMU, CalArts, Emerson, Chapman, NYU and Canon. In addition, Shana teaches Documentary Cinematography at Wild Mind Film Camp.

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